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Lazy Bitch. No Title

Feb. 8th, 2006 | 07:32 am
Feeling: sleepy sleepy
Listning To: KoRn - Coming Undone

Look its meee

Eaten Up Inside

Feb. 6th, 2006 | 03:56 pm
Feeling: numb numb
Listning To: KoRn - Open Up

Lyrics somewhat explaining ho wi feel since im lazy.


KoRn "Coming Undone"

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Be straight
Be deliberate

I'm coming undone
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I find my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet chugga gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now


I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better



Lazy Bitch. No Title

Jan. 20th, 2006 | 12:10 am
Feeling: stressed stressed
Listning To: Atreyu - Right Side Of The Bed

I feel like shit T_____T

I've been having migranes almost constantly for the past week or so. I get so tired i feel sooo sick and they arnt going away! Not even with codine!! -stabs herself in the head-

I've been feeling really down too well ok theres nothing new there, but i mean moreso than usual. I spent the whole day cleaning out my bedroom (it was an uttertip, literally there was no floorspace it was covered by clothes, empty alcohol bottles, rubbish bah) and moving my bed, which was tough on my own, since its a double and well, i had to lift it off the floor to move it because my rooms too small to move it when it stays there.

Anyway i cleaned out my walk in wadrobe too, ripped up the carpet in there (which was disgusting and left by the old owners of the house) knocked out the shelving, oh man that was fun just taking a hammer and destroying something that was attached tothe wall...now the wall's cracked though, meh. Now i have nice hanging space and a place to put all my stuffed toys (i seem to collect them n_n;) Anyway when i was cleaning my closet i came across an old school report from year 9 in secondary school, i would have been about 13 or 14 at that time. I had really outstanding grades, mostly A's and B's none wnet below C grade, the teachers wrote how impressed with me they were. It made me really really upset reading it because that was before the 'incident' and then all the ones there after that have lead to my downfall. After it all happened my school work grades dropped i couldnt even fill out a simple form without messing it up even though i tried my hardest it was like my brain wouldn't work, i started getting bulled and crap and in the end i came out of my GCSE's (final exams) with only one pass grade and that was a C so it was only JUST scraping as a pass, i got a U (ungraded) in my BEST subject, English, because i was crying though most of the exam, i did all the questions when you were only supposto do a few of them i got an X in mathematics.
The report just made me think of how well i could have done if 'that' didnt happen, and how pointless everything ive done since has been, i havent gotten anywhere, ive quit college twice, i couldnt hold a job down for more than two days without walking out crying, i feel so pathetic, leech like sucking money and rescources out of my parents.

Don't get me wrong, its not like im suicidal, i havent been suicidal for about a year, but god how i want to hurt something, scream and cry until my throat bleeds.

My Emo rant is over for now, i need to go and cry or something.